Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize