I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
