you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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