Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
