These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
