Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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