My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
