YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
