just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
