If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's not a walk of shame if you run
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
