the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
