I'm gonna have a badass scar
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
