if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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