id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
