perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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