Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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