new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
