Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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