His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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