don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
