I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
