he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
