No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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