Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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