just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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