i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
