Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
