If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
