Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
