The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
