How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
