Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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