Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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