im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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