i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
