from now on my penis is your penis
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
