It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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