I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
