i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
