You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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