i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
