The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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