my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
