He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no, he came in my armpit
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
