ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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