it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
