the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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