She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
