the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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