i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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