We got so high we made milksteak
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
