"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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