part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
