I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize