normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
