this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
