Sponge bath it is.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My life is pants optional.
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