Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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