Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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