Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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