you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
