you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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