if i can run in heels then i can drive
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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