I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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