so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
