Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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