apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
