maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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