I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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