If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She even gives head with a lisp.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
