Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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