He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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