Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
