The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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