I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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