i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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